Results and Match Reports - Season 2005/2006

West Kirby Wasps Vets 3    Port Sunlight Vets 1

Impressive Wasps leather the Lather Boys

A new look Wasps outfit took to the Coronation Park pitch for our first home game of the season following the 2-2 draw against MSC the previous week. Yes, we actually had 11 orange shirts this week!

Coach Raffle Sony Eriksson had been busy in the transfer market during the summer but having failed to offer enough money to secure the services of a Spanish pro on one of his scouting missions he turned his attention to some local talent. Rumours were rife that the gaffer was looking for a new striker following news that midweek shooting practice had failed to sharpen up the skills of his wayward front players but I can exclusively reveal that he was looking for someone who could perform in several positions and was good in and around the box.

Unfortunately all he could come up with was Dave Leat, a centre half who is appearing in the next ‘Just for Men’ advert with Phillip Schofield and deadline day signing Gordon Stoddart, who was making his first appearance on a football pitch in four seasons after Liverpool Ramblers refused to renew his contract to put up the nets.  The comedian was made captain for the day and we kicked off on a warm Saturday afternoon on a pitch that actually had some grass on it for a change. One day the council might actually find a roller to even out the bumps too.

Port Sunlight started brightly and passed the ball around well as Wasps began hesitantly. Stoddart had some useful touches in central midfield and the defence ensured that there was little to alarm Bazza in goal. Fatty Mac’s game lasted less than 10 minutes as he twisted his back and had to be substituted, which resulted in a re-shuffling of defence and midfield.

Wasps started to come more into the game and looked dangerous going forward against a slow Port Sunlight defence. Following a long punt downfield Bobo Baldy Barr competed well for the ball with the opposition’s centre half and as both fell to the ground the loose ball fell invitingly for Lanky Mac to have a clear run on goal with just the ‘keeper to beat. After a seemingly endless delay his shot was saved and a golden chance went begging.  Kevin ‘Jaws’ Murphy took on the Mark Perryman role this week and had his usual contretemps with an opponent and the referee, who wasn’t going to take any nonsense. But the right back unleashed a speculative long-range effort that beat the ‘keeper all ends up before crashing against the right hand post from all of 30 yards.

At the other end Sunlight also hit the woodwork from distance as both sides pushed for the opening goal before Wasps took the lead in bizarre circumstances. The Sunlight left back tried to play a back pass to his goalkeeper under pressure from Barr but only succeeded in leaving Lanky Mac with an open goal to tap into from 6 yards out. Even he couldn’t miss that one!  The second goal wasn’t long in coming. Neil McTanaman delivered a good inswinging corner from the right and Simon Bradley rose like a flying pig to power a header through the goalkeeper and over the line.

Half-time: Wasps 2 Port Sunlight 0

The first half performance had been good but neither side had dominated despite the scoreline. In the second half, however, the Wasps took their game up a level and created all sorts of problems for the Sunlight back four, with Action Man Gooden and Torgy prompting from midfield and Mike Fryer finding some good positions down the right hand side as the home side started to use the full width of the pitch and play to the strengths of the strikers.  The bedrock for this improvement came from the back four, with Murphy, debut boy Leat, Bradley and captain Allen looking a solid defensive unit. Sunlight’s only chance saw Bazza make a fine save to claw the ball away past his left hand post.

Lanky Mac created a couple of half chances for himself but shot too close to the ‘keeper on one occasion and fired just over the bar on the other, whilst Ian Barr also came close to adding to the scoreline before he set up the third Wasps goal midway through the second half. He found himself in space on the left and sent over a perfect low cross that Lanky somehow managed to lob over the 6 foot 5 inch Sunlight keeper from just 3 yards out for his second goal of the game! A quality finish?!

Stoddart left the field in search of an oxygen mask after a promising debut and as Wasps started to tire Sunlight came into the game and pulled a goal back with a neat finish.  The defence ensured there were no further causes for concern and Wasps continued their unbeaten start to the season with a deserved 3-1 victory against a useful side.  There were several candidates for man of the match and any one of the back four were in contention, with Dave Leat showing a commanding presence at centre half alongside Simon Bradley and Kevin Murphy looking good at right back. The award for this week goes to the captain, Dave Allen, for a composed and assured performance in an unusual left back role.

Well played everyone, let’s see if we can extend our unbeaten run at home to Gordon’s former club, Liverpool Ramblers, next Saturday.

MSC Vets 2  West Kirby Wasps 2   Saturday 10th September

Rocky XXXVIII ruined by dodgy MIB

Saturday’s opening fixture of the season was played in the heat of the early afternoon sun with a strong wind blowing straight down the pitch. Ideal conditions for Neil McKay to top up his designer tan and he even offered to swap sides at half time so he could play facing the sun for the entire 90 minutes.

You could tell it was going to be one of those strange days. On opening the kit bag there was the usual scramble for shirts but it soon became obvious there was a problem as half the team were involved in a tug-of-war contest over the number 14 shirt. Yes, Simon Bradley had left half the shirts in his garage!  So we took to the field with 8 orange men, a couple of red necks and Barry Dempsey’s bloodshot eyes following his usual pre-match routine of 10 pints and 40 fags. A couple of phone calls chez Bradley did the trick and after 20 minutes the remaining shirts arrived just in time for the first round of substitutions.

By this point the Wasps boys had already taken a deserved lead but could have led more convincingly but for some wayward striking by Lanky Mac (nothing new there then!). Playing with the wind at their backs it took less than a minute for the first clear cut chance following a long punt by Dempsey that cleared the entire MSC defence and left last season’s Golden Boot winner with only the advancing ‘keeper to beat. His attempted lob carried far too much weight and ended up half way towards the Ship Canal.

Following good work by Ian Barr, who would have fitted well into the opposition’s follicley challenged line-up, Lanky once again had an opportunity to open the scoring but chose to set up McTanaMan for a simple finish…except a defender intercepted the intended pass and cleared for a corner. But the danger was not averted as that most orange of orange men floated a delightful wind-assisted ball with the outside of his right foot into the top corner of the net, leaving the roly-poly ‘keeper (no Dempsey was at the other end!) flapping helplessly.

MSC looked dangerous on a few occasions but our Bazza was in great form, making a couple of outstanding saves with his feet as he lay on the ground still recuperating from his previous night’s festivities. Unfortunately it was then that the referee decided to take centre stage. He’d watched the Neil Shone ‘refereeing’ video in the morning and having missed a blatant hand ball outside the box by the MSC ‘keeper just 30 seconds earlier the ref awarded a penalty against Dave ‘Action Man’ Gooden when the ball hit him on his arm with no intent. Bad decision and the Belsen-look alike centre forward easily dispatched the ball into the net as Dempsey fell over once more.

Wasps continued to have the better of play and looked particularly threatening when getting the ball out to the flanks, with Mark Torgerson and Mark Walker putting some good balls into the box. Unfortunately, the man on the receiving end was Super, Super Mike, Super Mikey Jones (according to our fantastic vocal support from the Boy’s Pen) who took a leaf out of Mackie’s book and spurned a couple of good headed opportunities to extend the lead. In truth though, it was a disjointed first half performance and the Wasps boys were disappointed to go in at half time drawing 1–1.

MSC came out in the second half confident they could take advantage of the wind at their backs but Wasps did a good job restricting the opposition to limited opportunites with Shaun Turner and debutant Ian Smith putting in a sterling performance at centre back. Unfortunately one mistake by the normally reliable Mark Perryman gifted MSC the lead. His intended pass was intercepted leading to a 1 on 1 situation, which the MSC striker took confidently.  Ian Adams made some great runs forward as Wasps sought to get back on terms and Lanky had a couple of speculative efforts go well wide before putting his brother Fatty through on goal with only the ‘keeper to beat. Andy’s attempted strike on goal suggested he had his boots on the wrong feet…unfortunately they wouldn’t fit anyone else!

Then the game erupted into a scene from the Rocky series. Mark ‘ex-para’ Perryman, obviously upset by conceding the goal got involved in a bit of Salsa dancing with the aforementioned Belsen lad. They then proceeded to give each other a nice hug and as Mark moved in for the kiss the Collina look-alike planted two most extraordinary Kirkby versions on our left backs forehead, instantly drawing a stream of blood. It was a distasteful and unsavoury moment that was totally out of keeping with the match and particularly unpleasant viewing in front of the watching youngsters. It was at least good to hear that the culprit would not be selected to play for MSC again but the referee’s handling of the situation left something to be desired…he was obviously scared he might get similar treatment!

The game then went into a lull as everyone tried to come to terms with what had happened but the referee once again came under the spotlight when an MSC defender clearly handled the ball in the box. The MIB waved the Wasps appeals away and showed Andy Mackie salvaged a draw when he tried his luck from 25 yards with a venomous, stinging shot that bounced 3 times before rolling under the ‘keeper’s stomach as he bent down to pick the ball up. Video technology showed that the ball crossed the line by 1.2 mm, such was the ferocity of the shot.

MSC had a couple of half chances as the match entered the final stages but Wasps held on for a draw as they attempt to go through the season unbeaten (well at least September!). 

Good performances by Action Man, Rhodesia man on his debut, the dead comedian with the missing finger, Da-di-lee-da click click, Bo-Bo BaldyBarr, McTanaMan, Torgy, Fatty Mac and his mate FatboyFat in goal but man of the match goes to Shaun Turner for another commanding performance at centre half.

“Wally of the match” award goes to the boy Bradley…whose reward is to put the nets up on his own at Coronation Park in January and then wash the kit on the muddiest weekend of the season.